Romantic V Day Article... Um, Not So Much

I'd like to share a little item from my past with you fine folks this Valentine's morning. Back in 1995, when I was at the University of Texas at Austin, I met a charming young man named Jason Kraus. 9 years later, I would divorce him. Meanwhile, Jason was the Associate Editor of the Daily Texan, the school newspaper, and wrote me this... um, sweet... little ditty for V Day. You'd think it would have tipped me off that he and I lived on different planets, but I was 20 years old - what did I know??!!

Enjoy! Love, Mer

For the Perfect Date, Try Laundromat

Jason Kraus TEXAN COLUMNIST

Forget about that romantic candlelight dinner. For the truly romantic Valentine's Day, stock up on some quarters, show up at the door with a box of Tide and take your date to the Laundromat.

Scoff if you must. Dismiss me as a cold-hearted penny-pincher whose appreciation for true love is exceeded by my passion for a neatly pressed shirt. But before making dinner reservations or slaving over a hot stove, consider the advantages of the laundry date.

Money is the obvious one. A laundry date will cost less than that dinner that you know you can't afford anyway. And considering that Spring Break is less than a month away, the saving is well worth it.

But the issue is not just the money.

This is about intimacy -- something that the candlelight dinner does not provide. The laundry date allows one who is less than three months into a relationship to see a potential partner as he or she will truly be.

Over dinner, couples will engage in witty banter, discussing their classes, mutual friends or almost anything but what they are really thinking, which is: "I wonder what kind of underwear he or she is wearing." To answer this question, a couple has to endure all the complications that go with sleeping together.

With the laundry date, however, the underwear issue is out in the open. The woman doesn't have to guess whether her date is a boxer or a jockey man, and the man can quickly disregard all his fantasies about sexy lingerie when he sees pink pajamas with bunny feet being thrown into the wash.

The laundry date is also the perfect test of character. A man who leaves lint in the dryer for future users will never pick up after himself around the future house. And the woman who carelessly tosses extra quarters in the dryer without checking the load will eventually squander the family nest egg.

Perhaps the best indicator of compatibility is the other person's receptiveness to the laundry date. A man who suggests it obviously is secure with himself and doesn't need to buy affection. And a woman who accepts the laundry date with good humor is the kind of woman who won't yell at her husband when he makes a wrong turn during a road trip with the three screaming children in the back seat.

Consequently, the laundry date provides the perfect testing ground for all the idiosyncrasies that will eventually destroy a relationship years later.

So sure -- you can play it safe, have the romantic dinner and enjoy a pleasant yet forgettable Valentine's Day. Or you can avoid the crowds and seek the adventure of the Laundromat. At absolute worst, it will be an inexpensive and productive evening. And at best, you will be taking an important step toward intimacy and discovery of a potential life partner.

After all, swooning from a dozen roses is expected. Melting at the scent of a date's workout socks -- now that's true love.