Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Parking Management Jerks

Dear Mean-Spirited Purveyor of Parking Tickets:

Let me start out this letter by telling you I absolutely despise you! And I know many people here in San Diego feel the same way, so it’s not just ME being hateful! You jerks drive around in your stupid, little golf-cart wannabe buggies, spray your stupid tire foam on our cars, and troll around, just waiting for one of us to make a parking blunder. At night, I dream of abusing your little carts and destroying them the way they destroyed the (PC Load Letter) printer in Office Space. Bwwhahahaha!

Pray tell, what do you do in your spare time? Boil kittens? Drill cavities? Arson? And are you always so prompt in your private lives? Are you ever late to school or work? How is it that if we are 30 seconds over our meter allowance, or 1 minute over the limit in 2 hour parking... you are always right there, waiting to pounce on us like the predators you are. Do you people work on commission? Money is the only evil inspiration I can think of that would motivate someone to ruin peoples’ days (and damage our wallets) by setting those putrid yellow envelopes on our windshields! The only people worse than you are tow truck drivers! Oh yeah, I said it - you're WORSE than tow truck drivers!

And what happened to you in your life that made you want to hurt people so much? I would love to recommend a good therapist, or perhaps do some research for anger management classes, if you think that might help you become a more loving human being. Perhaps some anti-depressants would be helpful...

Haven't you horrible people heard of karma? May your cars get towed, ticketed, and showered with mean little yellow envelopes!


Anonymous said...

Accountability is a bitch, isn't it?

Meredith said...

sat·ire – noun

The use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc.

Know the definition and love it. Mer

Anonymous said...

good to know you can read a dictionary